Wednesday, March 23, 2011


This one is going to be fun!....

The fourth feature of a high needs baby is demanding.  In my son, this is the most obvious feature on a daily basis.  It's my attention that he mostly demands. 

Most babies have demands that need to be met, and so they fuss, whimper, and sometimes cry a little to get their needs across to their caregivers.  High need babies, on the other hand, DEMAND that their needs get met NOW!  There is no waiting, no virtues of patience in a high need baby.  I like to joke that patience is not one of my son's strong suits as he is moaning loudly and without end until he gets what he wants.  This is mostly evident when he is hungry, or while I am preparing his food, and when he is tired and needs to go down for a nap.  There is no warning or pleasant hint that he needs to eat or sleep.  He immediately moans, and if his needs are not met within a minute he resorts to full blown crying. 

He has also very demanding of my attention.  My son has never been an independent player.  I have three baskets full of toys in our living room that were bought, or given, in hopes of finding something that he enjoys to play with on his own.  The toys DO get played with, when either I or my husband are sitting next to him or have him on our laps playing with him.  Lately he has been going through a cranky phase that is making him more demanding than normal and sitting with him is not enough anymore. 

On Dr. Sears' website he says, "This feature more than any of the others pushes parents' buttons, causing them to feel manipulated and controlled."  I have absolutely felt this way many times.  When I am on the floor with him and it's not enough for him, I have to be holding him.  When I'm trying to cook a meal and have him play in his highchair and he moans and cries until I pick him up.  When I'm trying to get ready in the morning.... etc, etc... you get the picture and I'm sure you see it daily too. 

Does my laundry get done?  Eventually, though sometimes wrinkled and not folded for a day or so.  Do I get dinner cooked every night?  Rarely.  Usually my husband has to come home and make something or grab something from a restaurant.  Does my house get cleaned?  It does, but that is why I take him to daycare once a week.  I just need to reevaluate the situation daily and realize that his way of communicating his needs is demanding.  I mean, when you think about it, can't we all be a little demanding with our needs too?  Even if we don't vocalize it, we think it.  Maybe high need babies just wear their hearts on their sleeves more than others.  That may turn out to be a good thing as they grow older.


  1. This is the portrait of my daughter when she was younger. She was a very easygoing baby - as long as I held her and gave her attention and let her nurse constantly. If I set her down or I tried to have a conversation with someone else or I covered up my nipple for a few minutes, all hell broke loose. But she could go without crying or fussing for days if I just didn't do anything but hold her, nurse her, and make silly noises at her lol.

    Good luck with your little one. It does get better, I promise =)

  2. This is the most obvious in my little guy as well. My fiance says he seems almost bipolar because he can be happy and all of a sudden with no warning he's screaming for something be it food, sleep or attention. There is no hinting or patience with him lol