Thursday, July 7, 2011

Didn't We Say He Doesn't Like Change?

So our lives have been turned upside down these last two weeks.  My husband and I made the prayerful decision to move down to southern California for him to go back to school.  We were thinking about it the other day and realized that at the end of this schooling term we will have been married for 8 years and he will have been in school for 6 of those 8 years.  I guess he just likes learning.  But this is serious schooling. Like, he just left the house at 8:50pm to work on a project at school and won't be home until 11, kind of serious.  We hear that the first three months are the worst.  So we just need to take it one day at a time until we see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

It might have been pure insanity to think that we could move away from family and friends and start a new life with our high needs baby.  The first week for him was torture.  His sleep was all off, he barely napped, and he was CRANKY!!!!  I cried two times in the two days we had before my husband started school because I feared being alone with my son all day with no place to go for relief.  Sounds sissy, right?  But for the past year I had a way out.  My mom and mother-in-law were usually around.  And if not, I had many friends to choose from to just call up and see if we could hang out.  Because, you see, when Aaron is having a bad day, sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery and a friend his age.  Add on top of all of this the fact that I became a single mom all of a sudden because my husband spends most of the day at school, and when he's home his brain is at school.  *sigh*  (do you feel bummed out yet?)  Sorry to be so depressing, but this is my reality right now.  Some days I smile and giggle with my little boy all day.  Some days I breathe deeply and count the minutes until he goes to bed so I can have a  real break. 

I must point out though, that I have found a wonderful book, Raising Your Spirited Child.  I must admit that it depressed me in the beginning because I really had to face the fact that this is his temperment, and it's up to me to learn to help him cope with his intensity and persistence so he uses them for good rather than chaos.  The main points that I have taken away from it so far (and I'm only 1/4th of the way done) is that I need to help him label his feelings and help him find solutions to what is frustrating him.  I also need to change my mindset.  I used to long for the perfect baby that I didn't get.  I had to lay that baby to rest, because I got this spirited child and he needs his mommy to support him and help him through his rough patches.  Once I changed my mindset to helping him rather than regretting him (*ouch* those words are harsh but painfully true) I have been able to enjoy each day much more.  I heard that it is geared more towards the toddler years and up, which is very true.  It doesn't really apply to the baby stage.  But if you have a baby, keep this book in mind when they reach the toddler stage.

*I have gained a few new readers and to you...WELCOME!!!! I love being real and sharing what's really going on for me as a mommy of a high needs baby-- well, toddler now.  Please send me a message or leave a comment and I will try my best to get back to you as soon as I can!  Tell me how you cope, or how hard it is for you to cope.

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