It has been the hope that some day I would meet another mother of a High Need baby. We could sit and share our experiences and understand each other in a way that most other mothers can't. It would be a blissful experience and we would laugh and joke together.
Guess what? Today it happened for me!
The school that my husband is going to has a really nice fitness facility that we get free membership to because he's a student. (Well, it's not free really, they just included it in the enormous amount we are paying in tuition). There is this great pool that has a lap area, a super fun slide and a beach entrance with a very slow progression of getting deeper so young ones can enjoy it too! So, being that the last three days here in Southern California have been MISERABLE I thought it would be a great time to enjoy the pool. So we sunscreened up and headed out. (This is when I accidentally locked the door behind me and realized my keys were in the house. Then my husband had to leave school to rescue us. It's been a long day).
So, when we got to the beach entrance, where we hang out, I was getting us all ready and I see this mom and little boy interacting together. She was asking him to stop jumping in the pool and he was jumping in the pool over and over again. He was very persistent and energetic. I actually thought to myself... I bet he's a high needs kid. I laughed to myself and my son and I did our own thing. Soon enough they were right next to us playing with a toy they had brought. They saw that my little one was interested in it and so they brought it over. This little boy, Alex, was not so thrilled about sharing his toy. His way of showing that was to collect some pool water in his mouth and release it over my son's head. My guy did NOT like this, he cried and his mom scolded him, to which he grabbed their cup and dumped it over my son's head. He went directly to time-out.
Later, they came over to us and he apologized. Alex went off playing and his mom and I sat and talked. It's funny because she is the one who used the words high needs first. I told her that my little guy has been a challenge and she said "Oh, did your pediatrician tell you he's high needs?" I told her I haven't discussed that specifically with the ped. but that I did my own research and discovered that he is. We found so much comfort in knowing that we understood each other and patted each other on the back (not literally) for being a good mom. The thing that stuck in my mind is the fact that her son is "3 years and 9 months" and he's her only child. She said, "It makes you not want to have another doesn't it?" I told her we felt the same way, but that I can't imagine letting him be an only child.
We really enjoyed our time talking and relating. The time flew by all too soon and eventually we had to go.
What a blessing to finally meet another high needs mommy! Have you met another?
I have to admit I am a little jealous =P I have yet to meet another HN Mom or a mom who understands what I'm going through for that matter. My daugher is 8 months old and it wasn't until this past month that I did some research on my own and concluded that she is High needs. At first I thought that was how babies were. But then my friends started having babies and I started meeting more people with babies and realized my crazy girl was one of a kind! I can relate to you. My parents and in-laws live far away from us and my husband works shift work so I definitely feel alone. I was so desperate to find other mothers to hang out with and help each other out and for sanity. So I joined a lot of groups. That turned out horribly. All I found were mothers who thought my daughter was insane and thought I was the cause. Their babies all slept through the groups or lay on the floor quietly playing. Enough with my rant. Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean! I really want to be a part of play groups but I don't like the way they make me long for a non-HN baby. Most of my good friends understand that I have a different baby, but some just don't get it and that makes it hard. Just remember that you know what is right for your baby and don't worry about others watching you. Besides, I like to think that since we already have to deal with tantrums and are learning early how to deal with them, I like to think that the 2's will be a breeze! :) We can dream, right?
ReplyDeleteWouldn't that be nice! The more realistic me is scared though...
ReplyDeletePS love your blog :)
Hi! I just found your blog via Baby Center. I've never heard of High Needs babies, but your son sure does sound like mine! He's 7.5 yo now. He's the first of four kids and please don't be afraid to have more! I think that as he's gotten older, he's gotten easier. The events that other people are afraid of and think will make life more difficult (like learning to crawl and walk and adding more kids to the mix) actually made him happier. All the kids and noise seem chaotic to me and my husband, but our son loves all the energy. And I think it's great that you are blogging about this. I wish I had blogged more about my struggles. I was so insecure, but now that I have learned so much, I wish I had kept a better record of how things developed.
ReplyDeletewww.marieoliveira.com