So our lives have been turned upside down these last two weeks. My husband and I made the prayerful decision to move down to southern California for him to go back to school. We were thinking about it the other day and realized that at the end of this schooling term we will have been married for 8 years and he will have been in school for 6 of those 8 years. I guess he just likes learning. But this is serious schooling. Like, he just left the house at 8:50pm to work on a project at school and won't be home until 11, kind of serious. We hear that the first three months are the worst. So we just need to take it one day at a time until we see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It might have been pure insanity to think that we could move away from family and friends and start a new life with our high needs baby. The first week for him was torture. His sleep was all off, he barely napped, and he was CRANKY!!!! I cried two times in the two days we had before my husband started school because I feared being alone with my son all day with no place to go for relief. Sounds sissy, right? But for the past year I had a way out. My mom and mother-in-law were usually around. And if not, I had many friends to choose from to just call up and see if we could hang out. Because, you see, when Aaron is having a bad day, sometimes all it takes is a change of scenery and a friend his age. Add on top of all of this the fact that I became a single mom all of a sudden because my husband spends most of the day at school, and when he's home his brain is at school. *sigh* (do you feel bummed out yet?) Sorry to be so depressing, but this is my reality right now. Some days I smile and giggle with my little boy all day. Some days I breathe deeply and count the minutes until he goes to bed so I can have a real break.
I must point out though, that I have found a wonderful book, Raising Your Spirited Child. I must admit that it depressed me in the beginning because I really had to face the fact that this is his temperment, and it's up to me to learn to help him cope with his intensity and persistence so he uses them for good rather than chaos. The main points that I have taken away from it so far (and I'm only 1/4th of the way done) is that I need to help him label his feelings and help him find solutions to what is frustrating him. I also need to change my mindset. I used to long for the perfect baby that I didn't get. I had to lay that baby to rest, because I got this spirited child and he needs his mommy to support him and help him through his rough patches. Once I changed my mindset to helping him rather than regretting him (*ouch* those words are harsh but painfully true) I have been able to enjoy each day much more. I heard that it is geared more towards the toddler years and up, which is very true. It doesn't really apply to the baby stage. But if you have a baby, keep this book in mind when they reach the toddler stage.
*I have gained a few new readers and to you...WELCOME!!!! I love being real and sharing what's really going on for me as a mommy of a high needs baby-- well, toddler now. Please send me a message or leave a comment and I will try my best to get back to you as soon as I can! Tell me how you cope, or how hard it is for you to cope.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
A New Kind of Normal
Finally I can say that I have a normal in my life.
Since Aaron was born there has been no schedule to my life at all! And I am a schedule kind of person. I like to expect things. I like predictability. And this baby has been anything but predictable.
But life is evolving, like it has a tendency to do. And we are developing a new kind of normal.
I have read that routines are one of the most important things you can give your child. But there was just no way I could develop a routine in the past. Aaron would wake up at different times in the morning, which would put his eating and naps at different times during the day. And his sleepiness would even vary from day to day. It was hard to plan anything ahead of time. So I mostly only went out when I could get someone to my house to watch Aaron while I took a couple of hours to run errands.
These days I can expect Aaron awake around 6:30, which means a nap around 8:30 until around 10, and another nap around 12 or 1 until around 2. And he eats only solids at regular meal times. So our lives have some predictability back to them. It feels like a whole new life and I'm loving it.
As for an update on Aaron: he is still teething (I think we're cutting four teeth at once right now, so some days like today, are especially hard). And he is a crawling machine, which makes him tired enough to take longer naps! Good news for mommy and baby!
Since Aaron was born there has been no schedule to my life at all! And I am a schedule kind of person. I like to expect things. I like predictability. And this baby has been anything but predictable.
But life is evolving, like it has a tendency to do. And we are developing a new kind of normal.
I have read that routines are one of the most important things you can give your child. But there was just no way I could develop a routine in the past. Aaron would wake up at different times in the morning, which would put his eating and naps at different times during the day. And his sleepiness would even vary from day to day. It was hard to plan anything ahead of time. So I mostly only went out when I could get someone to my house to watch Aaron while I took a couple of hours to run errands.
These days I can expect Aaron awake around 6:30, which means a nap around 8:30 until around 10, and another nap around 12 or 1 until around 2. And he eats only solids at regular meal times. So our lives have some predictability back to them. It feels like a whole new life and I'm loving it.
As for an update on Aaron: he is still teething (I think we're cutting four teeth at once right now, so some days like today, are especially hard). And he is a crawling machine, which makes him tired enough to take longer naps! Good news for mommy and baby!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Life Lately
Things have evened out a little lately. There was a time (right around when I stopped blogging here for a while) that I thought I was going to go insane. My son was throwing tantrums and I felt like I had a two year old, but worse because he was only 9 months old. But I decided that I want to be a calm mother. I want my son (and any future children for that matter) to remember me as calm in the face of pressure and high stress situations. To be honest I can't manage that on my own. I don't have the ability to be calm in these moments, but I have decided to let my hope in God pave the way for me. And it has worked. Since those moments 2 weeks ago I have been able to stay so calm my husband has been perplexed with me. And, in turn, I think my son is enjoying life a little more too. We find ways to enjoy each other, even in the midst of teething.
Our new challenge lately has been a vacation that brought change and fighting sleep again. Recently our family took a little vacation to Monterey. It was so much fun, and he loved the beach. However, it threw off his sleep BIG time. Before we went he was doing great with naps. I was leaving him in his crib for at least an hour and he was able to stay asleep for at least an hour. But that all changed when we were away. He hated going down for naps and even going to bed. We were sharing the house with our family and I didn't want to disturb them so I gave him a pacifier at night to help him sleep. This has transferred to an hour of screaming each night in protest because he wants his binky back now that we are home. But I don't want to have to fight him about this in a year or so when we take the binky away completely. So I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the long run.
Our new challenge lately has been a vacation that brought change and fighting sleep again. Recently our family took a little vacation to Monterey. It was so much fun, and he loved the beach. However, it threw off his sleep BIG time. Before we went he was doing great with naps. I was leaving him in his crib for at least an hour and he was able to stay asleep for at least an hour. But that all changed when we were away. He hated going down for naps and even going to bed. We were sharing the house with our family and I didn't want to disturb them so I gave him a pacifier at night to help him sleep. This has transferred to an hour of screaming each night in protest because he wants his binky back now that we are home. But I don't want to have to fight him about this in a year or so when we take the binky away completely. So I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the long run.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I Jinxed It!
Remember a few weeks ago when I posted that we were having napping success? Remember how I hoped that I wouldn't jinx that success by celebrating with a blot post?
Well.... I jinxed it!
We have gone back to square one, and I'm wondering if any form of nap training is ever going to work with my son. He IS a very strong willed child you know?
I asked his pediatrician about this today and he said to follow his schedule. If he is acting tired before he has had a waketime I thought appropriate then put him down when the baby says so. It is his body after all, he knows when he's tired better than me. So today I did just that. I put him down an hour and a half after he woke in the morning, and he slept for over and hour. I put him down 2 and a half hours after he woke from the first nap, and he is reaching the hour mark in his crib currently. I may drive myself crazy thinking about naps, but we will be successful eventually.....RIGHT?!?!?!
Now let's make sure this blog doesn't jinx this success.
Well.... I jinxed it!
We have gone back to square one, and I'm wondering if any form of nap training is ever going to work with my son. He IS a very strong willed child you know?
I asked his pediatrician about this today and he said to follow his schedule. If he is acting tired before he has had a waketime I thought appropriate then put him down when the baby says so. It is his body after all, he knows when he's tired better than me. So today I did just that. I put him down an hour and a half after he woke in the morning, and he slept for over and hour. I put him down 2 and a half hours after he woke from the first nap, and he is reaching the hour mark in his crib currently. I may drive myself crazy thinking about naps, but we will be successful eventually.....RIGHT?!?!?!
Now let's make sure this blog doesn't jinx this success.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
At My Limit
This morning (yes, it's only been 2 hours since my baby woke up) I am at my limit!!!!
I am frustrated to the max with him. He has almost done nothing but cry, moan, and whine all morning! Some days I can handle it. I just scoop him up and do whatever it takes to get him to stop. But this morning I had things to do. I sat him in his highchair for his bottle and cereal and when he was done I got up to put dishes in the dishwasher, load up his diaper bag, and hoping to do a host of other things. The WHOLE time he was in his highchair he moaned, whined and cried. I lost it! What does that mean? Well my blood pressure went through the roof, I thought my head was going to explode from so much frustration and I yelled "STOP"!!! He did stop and looked at me like "are you yelling at me? are you mad at me?" and then proceeded to cry and moan and whine.
I picked him up and decided to put him to bed. I gave him a pacifier and held him for a while until he was ready to sleep. I put him down in his crib and he was out. Poor thing was just so tired he couldn't handle it anymore.
It was then that I cried. Uncontrollable crying. How could I yell at my baby? Why couldn't I just stop and figure out what he needed? And why can't he just let me get a few things done during the day without being SO DEMANDING?!?!?
Granted it will be "that time of the month" in a day or so. Maybe I can blame it on the hormones? But this part of being his mommy becomes too hard sometimes.
I am frustrated to the max with him. He has almost done nothing but cry, moan, and whine all morning! Some days I can handle it. I just scoop him up and do whatever it takes to get him to stop. But this morning I had things to do. I sat him in his highchair for his bottle and cereal and when he was done I got up to put dishes in the dishwasher, load up his diaper bag, and hoping to do a host of other things. The WHOLE time he was in his highchair he moaned, whined and cried. I lost it! What does that mean? Well my blood pressure went through the roof, I thought my head was going to explode from so much frustration and I yelled "STOP"!!! He did stop and looked at me like "are you yelling at me? are you mad at me?" and then proceeded to cry and moan and whine.
I picked him up and decided to put him to bed. I gave him a pacifier and held him for a while until he was ready to sleep. I put him down in his crib and he was out. Poor thing was just so tired he couldn't handle it anymore.
It was then that I cried. Uncontrollable crying. How could I yell at my baby? Why couldn't I just stop and figure out what he needed? And why can't he just let me get a few things done during the day without being SO DEMANDING?!?!?
Granted it will be "that time of the month" in a day or so. Maybe I can blame it on the hormones? But this part of being his mommy becomes too hard sometimes.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Nap Training Update
I feel like I have thought about nothing but nap training for a good month. I have been reading up on different ways to nap train and implementing many of the suggestions. But finally we are making headway (please don't let this jinx our success!) I think what is working for us now is a combination of: longer wake times between naps, a noise machine, a nap time routine, and nap extensions!
3 months ago I swore I would never do nap extensions again. When I tried it in conjunction with sleep training (meaning cry it out) my little son would hard cry for an hour or more. He would rarely get himself back to sleep, and IF he did he was so busy sucking in air (you know, like they do when they've been hard crying for an hour....) that it would disrupt his sleep and it was lousy. Plus the fact that I felt like a terrible mother for letting my son cry that hard and that much for that long. However, I was not doing the nap extensions properly. I was letting him cry to extinction instead of setting an amount of time in which I would get him if he hadn't gotten back to sleep yet.
But recently I just knew he was ready for it and I was ready to give it a try again. So I literally told him one day before his nap, "Naps are going to be one hour long now. You will stay in your crib for one hour whether you are sleeping or not". It sounds kind of silly, but it made me feel like I was expressing my expectation to him. So that nap he woke after 30 minutes (on the dot... I swear the kid has a timer in his brain) and he cried. I put in my ear phones and listened to some music while watching him on the video monitor. He cried for 15 minutes and then fell asleep. He slept another 40 minutes! YAHOO!! Not all naps have gone that way. Some have been better, less crying more sleeping... and some have been worse, more crying no sleeping. But these last two days I feel like we have made a break through. These two days he has stirred at 30 minutes and then gone right back to sleep. As I type this his nap has been 1 hour 23 minutes long with no waking at 30 minutes! I am so excited to be making forward progress!!!!
3 months ago I swore I would never do nap extensions again. When I tried it in conjunction with sleep training (meaning cry it out) my little son would hard cry for an hour or more. He would rarely get himself back to sleep, and IF he did he was so busy sucking in air (you know, like they do when they've been hard crying for an hour....) that it would disrupt his sleep and it was lousy. Plus the fact that I felt like a terrible mother for letting my son cry that hard and that much for that long. However, I was not doing the nap extensions properly. I was letting him cry to extinction instead of setting an amount of time in which I would get him if he hadn't gotten back to sleep yet.
But recently I just knew he was ready for it and I was ready to give it a try again. So I literally told him one day before his nap, "Naps are going to be one hour long now. You will stay in your crib for one hour whether you are sleeping or not". It sounds kind of silly, but it made me feel like I was expressing my expectation to him. So that nap he woke after 30 minutes (on the dot... I swear the kid has a timer in his brain) and he cried. I put in my ear phones and listened to some music while watching him on the video monitor. He cried for 15 minutes and then fell asleep. He slept another 40 minutes! YAHOO!! Not all naps have gone that way. Some have been better, less crying more sleeping... and some have been worse, more crying no sleeping. But these last two days I feel like we have made a break through. These two days he has stirred at 30 minutes and then gone right back to sleep. As I type this his nap has been 1 hour 23 minutes long with no waking at 30 minutes! I am so excited to be making forward progress!!!!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Demanding
This one is going to be fun!....
The fourth feature of a high needs baby is demanding. In my son, this is the most obvious feature on a daily basis. It's my attention that he mostly demands.
Most babies have demands that need to be met, and so they fuss, whimper, and sometimes cry a little to get their needs across to their caregivers. High need babies, on the other hand, DEMAND that their needs get met NOW! There is no waiting, no virtues of patience in a high need baby. I like to joke that patience is not one of my son's strong suits as he is moaning loudly and without end until he gets what he wants. This is mostly evident when he is hungry, or while I am preparing his food, and when he is tired and needs to go down for a nap. There is no warning or pleasant hint that he needs to eat or sleep. He immediately moans, and if his needs are not met within a minute he resorts to full blown crying.
He has also very demanding of my attention. My son has never been an independent player. I have three baskets full of toys in our living room that were bought, or given, in hopes of finding something that he enjoys to play with on his own. The toys DO get played with, when either I or my husband are sitting next to him or have him on our laps playing with him. Lately he has been going through a cranky phase that is making him more demanding than normal and sitting with him is not enough anymore.
On Dr. Sears' website he says, "This feature more than any of the others pushes parents' buttons, causing them to feel manipulated and controlled." I have absolutely felt this way many times. When I am on the floor with him and it's not enough for him, I have to be holding him. When I'm trying to cook a meal and have him play in his highchair and he moans and cries until I pick him up. When I'm trying to get ready in the morning.... etc, etc... you get the picture and I'm sure you see it daily too.
Does my laundry get done? Eventually, though sometimes wrinkled and not folded for a day or so. Do I get dinner cooked every night? Rarely. Usually my husband has to come home and make something or grab something from a restaurant. Does my house get cleaned? It does, but that is why I take him to daycare once a week. I just need to reevaluate the situation daily and realize that his way of communicating his needs is demanding. I mean, when you think about it, can't we all be a little demanding with our needs too? Even if we don't vocalize it, we think it. Maybe high need babies just wear their hearts on their sleeves more than others. That may turn out to be a good thing as they grow older.
The fourth feature of a high needs baby is demanding. In my son, this is the most obvious feature on a daily basis. It's my attention that he mostly demands.
Most babies have demands that need to be met, and so they fuss, whimper, and sometimes cry a little to get their needs across to their caregivers. High need babies, on the other hand, DEMAND that their needs get met NOW! There is no waiting, no virtues of patience in a high need baby. I like to joke that patience is not one of my son's strong suits as he is moaning loudly and without end until he gets what he wants. This is mostly evident when he is hungry, or while I am preparing his food, and when he is tired and needs to go down for a nap. There is no warning or pleasant hint that he needs to eat or sleep. He immediately moans, and if his needs are not met within a minute he resorts to full blown crying.
He has also very demanding of my attention. My son has never been an independent player. I have three baskets full of toys in our living room that were bought, or given, in hopes of finding something that he enjoys to play with on his own. The toys DO get played with, when either I or my husband are sitting next to him or have him on our laps playing with him. Lately he has been going through a cranky phase that is making him more demanding than normal and sitting with him is not enough anymore.
On Dr. Sears' website he says, "This feature more than any of the others pushes parents' buttons, causing them to feel manipulated and controlled." I have absolutely felt this way many times. When I am on the floor with him and it's not enough for him, I have to be holding him. When I'm trying to cook a meal and have him play in his highchair and he moans and cries until I pick him up. When I'm trying to get ready in the morning.... etc, etc... you get the picture and I'm sure you see it daily too.
Does my laundry get done? Eventually, though sometimes wrinkled and not folded for a day or so. Do I get dinner cooked every night? Rarely. Usually my husband has to come home and make something or grab something from a restaurant. Does my house get cleaned? It does, but that is why I take him to daycare once a week. I just need to reevaluate the situation daily and realize that his way of communicating his needs is demanding. I mean, when you think about it, can't we all be a little demanding with our needs too? Even if we don't vocalize it, we think it. Maybe high need babies just wear their hearts on their sleeves more than others. That may turn out to be a good thing as they grow older.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)